Watch the Signs…

21 Feb

Not street signs, although it’s always a good idea to know where you’re going and what rules you must follow to get there, but when I say Watch the Signs, I’m shooting lower and deeper.  Reality isn’t something you witness with your eyes; it’s the place you live under your skin, beneath your bones, inside your heart and mind.  Reality isn’t easily recognized; you’d think it would be, but actually, you’ll probably spend a great deal of your life occupying space, nesting in a specific place, wearing a variety of particular roles and calling it all real

Lately I’ve noticed more and more people seem content to play that game their whole life, never asking if there is anything more, or if there is something they might have missed. I did that myself for many years.  When you’re busy taking care of a family, there isn’t a lot of time left over for considering the philosophical implications of the decisions you make in daily life; but if you run full blast on empty long enough, you’re going to collide with something so powerful; it knocks you off your feet.  For me, being down was the perfect time to ‘go in’. 

What I discovered in the long process of introspection, was alarming.  I made a list of the qualities I believed most fairly represented me as a person.  Every day I had to mark something off of that list.  The list was a litany of illusions; it was protocol for being me. I would have liked to believe I’d simply outgrown the list, but by this time, I’d quit lying to myself.  I had to take the truth on the chin.  As I came to terms with each illusion, it was easy to see why I’d felt one way or another, why I’d made one choice over another; and it was easy to forgive myself once I identified and embraced the source of my need to please others more than to take care of myself.

This wasn’t the blame game; it wasn’t a pity party either; this was solid interior work.  Every so often, I fall off the philosophical wagon, but I don’t stay in the dirt very long.  It has become second nature to remove myself from the chatter and clatter of messaging meant to demean, rather than to elevate or educate.  I am careful of the quality, intent and content of things I put into my mind through television, books and articles, and banter with friends and acquaintances. Once introduced, even if not fully digested, information alters the process of perception. *  ** 

The voice I’m most interested in is my own; that does not make me selfish, rather it acknowledges the importance of accessing lessons I’ve learned as I’ve grown from a child into a mature woman in the autumn of life. 

Self-Is, I say daily. Self-knows. 

There is a line we cross to reach nirvana, once crossed, you can never go back, but even if you lose your footing, you understand you will not die in the fall. 

This morning I was thinking of all the things on my to-do list and feeling overwhelmed.  I walked to the window in my bedroom and looked into the forest.  It was 8 o’clock,but still dark; thunder rumbled from the north side of the mountain to the south, and sleet fell in crystal sheets.  The mobile art my father made that hangs in our pink Dogwood tree, was encrusted in ice, long icicles spinning in the wind like kitchen knives.  Young pine trees were bent to the ground forming surreal arches; bright, yellow Daffodils gleamed like yellow diamonds, and I spoke out loud to the God of such things, asking

Why do I feel as if there isn’t enough time to get everything done, why not just begin?  Why does today feel like a burden?        

I’d scarcely gotten the questions out of my mouth when a large piece of bark peeled from the side of a tree, falling to the frozen ground, revealing the answer.

The tree used a storm to rid itself of unwanted diseased bark

I can use this time to deal with old wood I still carry.  I’ll have ample time to go inside again, to dig through my own storm, to deal with lingering or new issues, and to mindfully prepare my inner soil for the promise of spring.

If you follow all the signs, you’ll see that the answers are hidden in plain sight, and instead of feeling as if you’re carrying an insurmountable weight on your shoulders, you’ll begin to understand that weight grounds us only for as long as we need. 

And that revelation in itself, will give you wings.

Image

  • The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt
  • The Biology of Belief by Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D.
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7 Responses to “Watch the Signs…”

  1. losttaurus February 21, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    Welcome to the matrix, now that you are here, you can never go back. There is some truth to the saying “ignorance with bliss”. I often have days where I wish I could crawl back into the darkness and forget what I know.

    • ittymac February 21, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      I understand… too bad nothing worth having is easily MAINTAINED ..

  2. Gypsy February 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

    I am not extremely introspective today, and am not understanding the full depths of your essay, although I see that they are there. I can say that I hate the term “pity party,” as it is something said by emotional flatliners who lack depth of feeling, and also lack any compassion for those who have deep feelings, and the capacity to feel pain. The most you will get out of these emotional sociopaths is a rather useless, “I will pray for you…”

    • ittymac February 22, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

      Introspection usually isn’t a 24/7 activity, so I can relate to having a non- introspective day…My use of the term Pity Party wasn’t intended to be used synomimously with emotional flat-ling; actually, for me, the term conjures visions of extremely animated displays of emotion. I’ve been known to throw myself a Pity Party from time to time that is always followed by a brief, but intense, feeling of embarrassment. Rest assured, I won’t be responding to anything anyone says with sentiments like I’ll pray for you or have a blessed day.

  3. Vikas Yadav March 17, 2013 at 11:29 pm #

    I really loved this Post…Beautifully written..so sublime. Loved it.

    • ittymac March 18, 2013 at 12:00 am #

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you so much for your kind words. Bev

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  1. Watch the Signs… « ForgivingDreams - February 21, 2013

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