Tag Archives: dream interpretation

Contradictions in Place

17 May

Is it just me or is life full of contradictions?  The sweetest people I know have diabetes and can’t eat sweet things, those with the biggest, most generous hearts have heart disease, and the friendliest folks I’ve ever met, often are pretty lonely in everyday life.  Those with the biggest smiles have been forced to invest thousands in rotten teeth.  And some of funniest people in the world are depressed. 

I’m in a new phase.  I am the consummate observer these days, working like mad to detach myself from the prospect of falling into modern culture’s habit of discounting or discarding the elderly amongst us.  I’m in this phase as a matter of self-defense, being that I am one of the elderly amongst us these days. Populist judgment isn’t the only conceptual ideology I’m detaching from either; I’m dropping old wives tales, cultural mythology, political rancor, mainstream media and processed foods.  (Well, I’m giving that whole process food thingy my best shot anyway.)

I’ve been forced to reevaluate my life once again, (seems its a cyclical process), and as I enter that whole practice of introspection, I realize I’m in the autumn of my existence, but not to worry, fall has always been my favorite season, (followed by winter and spring.)  So I’m looking at it this way: I get  to spend, hopefully, years in my all-time favorite seasons!  Also, how apropos for a person like me who believes in an afterlife, that spring should follow winter’s death.

My mother is 86 years old.  She often tells me the Golden Years are hard and cold.  I hope not.  I’m personally expecting them to be the most introspective years of life.  I’m visualizing a quieter, slower time with a great deal of rocking in my favorite old black rocking chair, staring at the trees off my deck, and spending long hours in the peaceful solitude of quilting.  But the truth is, I don’t know what to expect, no one does. So, under these particular circumstances, the best thing I think I can do is to be aware and not waste precious time being frustrated.  I believe I can save myself a great deal of grief  by watching the signs along the way, because I know that everything is connected.  One thing leads to another, and that leads to fresh opportunities and change.  My observation that life is full of contradictions arose from my introspective space where I concluded a person can be so sweet or kind to others that he ends up giving pieces of himself away, never fulfilling his own need for sweetness, and out of a sense of exigency or self-preservation, his body responds; his pancreas slowing, or simply shutting down.  Maybe the same can be said of one who has dealt with a broken heart, or the person who continually helps others, but never asks for help himself. 

I know this is the truth: the earth is changing.  I see it in the woods where I live.  I see it in the animals here.  We are all part of this good earth, an extension of naturalness under assault.  I can live with as small of a carbon footprint as is personally possible, but I cannot change the velocity of world-speed, or the stealth-like consequences of progress. Still, I have power; I can observe and consider paths chosen and paths ignored, and I can add those observations to the well of learned wisdom I share with others.

My bones are tired; they are swollen and sore from a life full of activity.  Still, they press on.  The person with the greatest heart I have ever known is my husband, Richard.  He has persistent heart disease.  Rick and I met and married in 2003.  I thought our love would heal him.  What it did was make him stronger and more determined to do the right thing for himself. I can’t list everything marrying Richard has done for me; there’s not enough paper in the world, but his love saves me everyday.  

I recently shared my life philosophy with a blogger friend of mine, telling her I approach every day as if it is a vacation day.  No matter how busy I am, no matter how many tasks must be completed, I’m off the clock!  On vacation, you give yourself time to rest, time to heal and regroup before stepping back into the real world.  Vacation is my real world.  I have permission to sit out a day, or a week, or a month, whatever I need because  I give it to myself.  And I watch the signs, follow the trails and mysterious hints nature gives.

Today it is overcast outside, drizzling rain, cool, crisp breeze;  a day best spent tending to inside things … like sitting on the covered deck blowing bubbles.   

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Using a bad dream to your advantage.

28 Jan

Last night I had a nightmare that was so awful; I woke up whispering, “No! No! No!”  That’s how my day started.  The philosophy I live by affirms my belief that there are no coincidences in life; rather, opportunities coming in unique forms.  Everything I experience is a ‘sign’ or ‘message’ that, if recognized and acted on, will help me understand myself a little better.  By learning who I am, I learn about the world and everything beyond, because if one deeply knows himself, he recognizes and understands he is responsible for creating and coping with his own reality.

 You can’t go through a process like this without noticing you’re not alone.  One thing always leads to another, and before you know it, you’ve identified and developed a reservoir of philosophies on which to anchor your moral compass.  Understanding your dreams is a valuable tool; so I listen to myself, even when I sleep, concluding that when the hustle and bustle of daily life recedes, and sleep finds its way into the unconscious chambers of my brain, any message it’s selling can pretty much be taken to the bank; even bad dreams, perhaps I should have said, especially bad dreams.  Nightmares are very important; they’re messages marked URGENT!  DO NOT IGNORE!

The point of my BLOG is to encourage others to approach life from a philosophical perspective, rather than joining a herd of zombies just going through the motions.  If you’ve ever wondered what the meaning of life is, maybe you should try to find out for yourself.  Dreams help us do exactly that.  I’m not going into details about the circumstances that led me to see life as I do, nor the specifics of dream interpretation; but for the sake of demonstrating how one goes about using a bad dream to his advantage, I will share my dream and the conclusion I drew in response to its frightening contents.

My husband and I were in the front-side yard of neat, beige, brick house.  I was quite unnerved because the only thing I was wearing was one of his over-sized tee shirts.  I could see people coming out of other houses or driving by in cars, so I worried about my scantily clad appearance.  But I was really annoyed by a “wild animal” that kept running past me, biting at my legs as he did.  The animal wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen before; he was all spiky fur and teeth.  My cat, Loki, was also by my side, but didn’t seem annoyed by the animal’s presence.

Suddenly, my husband had had enough, so he wrapped a large folded sheet over the creature the last time it ran past me, still biting as it ran.  About that time, Santa Clause got out of an old car and started walking toward the house.  He was a real mess, tattered, filthy and unkempt.  As he passed me, he said, “We’ve gotten old.”  As he walked away I noticed the seat of his pants was missing; Santa’s butt was in clear view!  Rick, my husband, saw it the same time I did.  We tried very hard not to laugh.

The animal was fighting to get out of the sheet; so Santa walked over carrying a bottle of lighter fluid.  Rick squirted it on the sheet and lit a match.  Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.  I was in a complete panic, screaming as I beat down the flames with my bare hands.  Rick and Santa walked away.  When the fire was out, I opened the sheet to pick up and comfort the animal, but when I did, I found my precious, dear cat, Kemah, who died 3 years ago, inside instead.  Kemah was nearly dead.  I cried and rocked him in my arms, but within minutes he was gone.

That’s when I woke up.  It took me about 20 minutes to pull myself together enough to decipher the message.  Everyone in the dream was an extension of me, Rick, Santa, the wild animal, Kemah and Loki.  Each represents an energy I’ve experienced.  Everything we’ve ever done or survived is still inside us, building characteristics of our personalities.  There were two masculine energies represented in this dream, Rick and Santa. Then there is me, nearly naked, afraid of what people are going to think.  Knowing, most likely, I will be judged harshly.  The clothes, or lack of them, represent the roles I play; in this case I’m pretty much down to basic levels of myself.  The presence of a tee shirt represents my modesty and unpretentious desire to protect my body.  The shirt is white because while protecting myself, I want to be honest.

I’m writing a book of poems that is taking me back to the past that formed me into the woman I am today.  Santa was part of that.  He was the innocence that was stolen from me by molestation.  That energy-experience is still inside me, although, as Santa reminded me, it was a long time ago: “We’ve gotten old.”

Philosophically, this dream is about fear and vulnerability.  It is telling me my heart wants to gloss over the ugly parts of the past as I write.  I know the tendency might be to burn them up, make them go away, but if I do, I lose the most cherished part of myself.  That was represented by my cat, Kemah.  In the dream I am outside of the house in which I live, inching further into a world shared with countless others who will judge me according to their own rules.  The dream tells me I cannot let their beliefs alter my own.

It was a very bad dream, but if I chose to ignore it, I would be a fool.  Because, after all, why would I choose not to believe what I deeply know?